Here are a few resources that may be of use to our customers:
If you are, for instance, spanking someone and they are shouting "No! Stop!", how do you know whether they actually mean "stop" or whether they're having fun and they actually mean "More!"?
We recommend the "Traffic Light" system of safewords (or finger signals if you're using gags) which allow safe play whilst still ensuring enjoyment for all concerned.
"Green" (or one finger held up) means "Go
ahead" (good if you just want to "check up")
"Amber" (or two fingers) means "Proceed with caution" as you're getting close to a limit
"Red" (or three fingers) means "Stop" things have gone a bit too far.
"Red, Red, Red!" (or five fingers) means "Emergency Stop!" for instance if the person is tied up and has got cramp
Alternatively, instead of using words or hand signals, you can have the recipient hold a ball, a bunch of keys or a small bell for example that they can drop if they need to indicate that there is a problem
If you want to play with someone who you don't know well, or you want a way
to broach subjects that you may find embarrassing, this document (6 pages) gives a comprehensive list of practices
and allows you to fill it in stating whether you would like to do something a little, a lot or not at all.
It also contains a list of parts of the body to allow the user to specify areas to be concentrated on or avoided (eg for medical reasons)
We have also compiled a "short version" of the Negotiation Document which has fewer subjects and is only 2 pages long.
Full Length Version:
SM 101 by Jay Wiseman - A comprehensive guide to BDSM right from the basics through to advanced techniques including much sensible safety advice.
The New Topping Book/ The New Bottoming Book by Janet W. Hardy and Dossie Eason - Guides to BDSM focussing more on the "emotional" and "relationship" sides than just techniques.
Screw the Roses, Send me the Thorns by Philip Miller and Molly Devon. - A humourous but intelligent introduction to BDSM including the psychological aspects of the Scene. It's a little opinionated in places, but it's well worth a read.
The Mistress Manual: A Good Girl's Guide to Female Dominance by Mistress Lorelei - If you're a woman and your partner wants you to dominate him, this book introduces the five main archetypal male fantasies of the dominant woman, the Nursemaid, Governess, Queen, Amazon or Goddess. It suggests how to dress and act for each one and how to implement each scene in a way that gives satisfaction and enjoyment to both partners.
If you have any suggestions for other books or resources for this page, please let us know at firstname.lastname@example.org